MindChimes

Its been ages since I had a vacation. Its been ages since I have pampered myself all day. Its been ages that I have done anything apart from what I am supposed to do. I crib and crib and crib.

I wake up in the wee hours with my son and my dog who insist I should humour them, I crib. I bustle around taking care of all the morning rituals and start the day, I crib. By afternoon I am too tired and want to rest but can’t cause I have papers to write (and study), so I crib some more. By night, I am dog tired having tucked in the demanding brats for the day, Phew!. But my dearest husband wants to sit around for a while, again I crib.

I reminisce about those days when I woke up when I wanted to and slept when I dropped off. When I packed a few things and took off for the weekend, not a care in the world. I dream of all the lovely places that I want to be and all those fun things that I could do. I make and remake plans. And again I crib.

Somewhere deep inside I know I have what I always wanted. Its only a matter of time before things settle down and I can take my dream vacation or spend the day I want to. But what the heck! Whats wrong with cribbing a little if that gets you a pat in the head and a little cooing sympathy.

Among all that I want to do if I get some time on had, here are a few I jotted down to share:

1. First and foremost I would like to sleep for a week. Ah OK. I’ll be realistic. I would like to wake up at 6 and dive back inside the cover content that someone is there to take care of the baby and the dog. Someone will feed them and humour them. I want to be woken up with a hot morning cuppa and breakfast in bed. I want to go back to sleep for a couple of hours after a sumptuous lunch. Heaven!
2. I would love a nice massage complete with pedicure, manicure and all the extra stuffing that come with it. I just want to lie back, close my eyes, smell the aromatic oil and incense, listen to the soft instrumental, and feel all my tension and stress ebbing. Long enough so that by the end of it I feel like a new person ready to take on another couple of years of stress and hard work. Not the way it usually is with the baby wailing and maid screaming and me running helter skelter all over the house with soapy feet and mud pack on my face.
3. I have been meaning to re-watch all those old movies and episodes of friends. Its been so long since I have had a good laugh. But I haven’t progressed much from ‘meaning to’. I would love to sit down with a pile of dvds’ and watch them one after the other all day till I can watch no more. There obviously has to be an array of mouthwatering snacks and endless supply of pepsi/beer, so I wouldn’t have to go around worrying about lunch and dinner.
4. On the contrary, I would also like some peace of mind so I can read a little. There are lots of books waiting to be read. I just don’t get them home because I know I don’t have the time to read. I would love to lie down with a book like old times and read through the day and night till the last page and then sleep. Once awake I ll pick up another book to go on the same way. I so miss those days when when mum cooked all the food and made sure I was not going hungry and dehydrated.
5. Sometimes I want to go shopping and keep buying mindlessly. The last time I did this was when I was living by myself and had the whole salary to blow away, knowing I had nothing constructive to do with it. Someday I would love to do it again. Walking through the malls or the street bazaars, buying everything that holds my fancy. I don’t want the inner me asking me ‘do you really want it?’ Or ‘not another pair of shoes?’. Come on!
6. One of these days when I really have time on my hands I want to lie down on the couch with my feet up the backrest, and call my friends to have one of those long forgotten gossip sessions. Ones that make u feel like you know about half the world now and makes you smile while you go about the rest of the day. But most of the people I enjoy this session with are not available over the phone, and its not my idea of fun to sit on that hard chair and type away on the keyboard, to get hold of them all. And then spend the whole time shifting around to give some comfort to my back side.
7. Someday I would like to have enough time in my hand to go through the numerous items tucked away around the house that we last used at the age of Adam. We wear less than half the clothes that we possess. But when it comes to chucking, we lovingly put them all back in with a ‘I can still wear that one when I lose weight.’ Well, you said that last year and you have grown bigger not lost weight. And what about all those bottles and jars tucked away in the refrigerator. I look at them and wonder what they were, I put them back again when I fail to give myself an answer. I want to get rid of all of them.
8. Its been so long since I got totally drenched in the rain, just for fun. I would love to do that soon. And, not just get wet, but go swimming in the rain. I used to love to as a kid. These days rain has become a reason to skip swimming. Have to get wet anyway, then why blame the rain?
9. A lovely cloudy-breezy day. The kind that makes u want to fly. I want to hop into a car and go driving. A long drive, away from all the humdrum. Stop on the way at a road side cafe to catch a bite, sitting out in the open. And then drive along to a beach to laze around the rest of the day. Run back to the car when its just about to start pouring. And drive back home in the lashing rain amidst thunder and lightning.
10. And to top the list, when was the last romantic dinner for two? Ummm…Uhhh…lets see… don’t think it was this life. Well dear partner, how about the most romantic setting on top of the tallest building or next to the quiet evening sea? Complete with good food, our favourite wine and dessert? Sounds nice. Close your eyes and you can almost feel the excitement. May be in the near future if I am lucky enough. Or nothing wrong to dream on.

My pregnancy was comfortable, yet eventful. I don’t remember feeling pregnant at anytime, except that I had grown a few sizes too big. Quite a few people commented on how effortlessly I continued to work. However, I did have a hitch in the beginning when lack of knowledge got the tiny little life inside me all bothered. Early morning discomfort had me lying in the hospital for 2 days with strict instructions from the OB-Gyn. I was not supposed to do anything apart from putting my feet up and ordering for first class service. My husband obliged.

We were expecting our bundle of joy to show up around the end of March or April (2008). Likewise, we were all prepared - till the last ultra-sound test told us that things may be otherwise. My doctor prepared us for emergencies that he predicted had a high possibility of occurring. Parents and in-laws returned after warning me to take things easy. I more or less stopped going to the University. My whole day was spent resting, cooking, watching runs and re-runs of the popular TV series ‘Friends’, and playing with my puppy. I knew I had a boisterous baby on the way with the amount of soccer he played inside me.

After a pretty relaxing day on a certain weekend, we decided to go for a short walk before retiring for the day. The walk was a trifle bit uncomfortable, with the kicking more pronounced than ever before. It was 1 o’clock when I started to feel something irregular. I wasn’t absolutely sure, so I waited to confirm. When I was fairly certain I woke my husband up. We rushed to the hospital.

A call before-hand to alert the hospital had them waiting at the gate with a wheelchair. I was immediately deposited at the emergency room, which was not a pleasant experience. There was one guy with a broken leg and another woman screaming something between gasps. It was pretty unnerving when I myself had no clue what was happening to me. All through the pregnancy I had been quite scared about the final act. I had hoped it would be like the way they show in the movies where half the time the woman has no clue what happened to her till they bring a wailing bonny baby to her bed side and all is hunky-dory.

To top it all my husband had disappeared. There were no signs of the doctor. There were a bevy of people who popped in and out to ask me what seemed to be my problem. Luckily they all knew why I was occupying one of the beds. Soon, I was wheeled to a private room with an extra bed and a sofa where my husband was comfortably lounging. I was informed the doctor had given instructions and would arrive in an hour or so depending on the situation. I had no idea that today was D-day, the very day we had all been waiting for - me scared and my husband expectant, like all daddy’s, whose only job at that time is to be happy.

I wondered if they would let me go home once they had done their tests and I kept badgering my husband to ask. My husband didn’t so much as open his mouth. All he wanted to do was dive into the extra bed and go back to sleep. They asked me loads of questions, did a physical test, and then attached a monitor to my tummy to keep a tab on the little one’s heartbeat. It was all normal. They started the saline and asked me to get some sleep. My husband was already snoring.

All efforts to shut my eyes were in vain for they popped open right back only to have them glued to the monitor. 92 - 102 - 86 - 92… it was more or less the same pattern for a while. I felt myself nodding off when my eyes fell one last time on the monitor… 24 - 36 - 20 - 0 - 0 -10 …. I yelled to my husband to call the doctor. They all came running. Checked. Re-checked. Some of them ran out while others came back running. While all this was happening (for 15 minutes or so) they refused to tell me if my baby was alright. When I was ready to scream my doctor walked in. He checked all the reports and informed my husband we were in for an emergency operation as the baby was going into foetal distress. These were all medical mambo-jumbo for me, but enough to hit the panic button.

I am not exactly a religious person. But crisis makes you turn to God. So  did I. I apologized for all the time I failed to pray to him and promised I would do so henceforth, just be with me this time. Please make sure nothing goes wrong with the little one. Please don’t let him suffer.

All this while the people dressed in white were bustling about doing their job. My husband was busy on the phone. I had been injected with a sedative which made me extremely drowsy - but I was scared to fall asleep. I was wheeled into the OT which looked pretty forbidding. No one in their right mind would want to walk in there just for fun. Someone came and said I would have to take the diamond nose pin off.  While at other times I I’m very particular about my possessions, for once I didn’t care.

The anaesthetist introduced himself and informed that even though this was going to be a cesarean birth I couldn’t have normal anesthesia as it would affect my baby. He informed further that it would be a local anesthesia through the spine. I didn’t have much faith on locals after experiences with my dentist, but I was in no position to bargain. They tied up my arms and feet against the bed and turned me around to administer the dosage for anesthesia. I felt a sharp pain and something burning down my limbs. Everything became numb as soon as the burning reached my toes. I started shivering and complained about the air-con only to be informed this was an effect of the drug administered. I lay there shivering against the steel, feeling the scalpel cut through my flesh with only a single thought  occupying my mind - “Please God let everything be alright”. The anesthetist kept his word and kept warning me in advance about the next step along with a “will hurt” and “won’t hurt”. I have never felt greater pain in my life than when the doctors were pushing the baby out. I just knew I had to get it over with. I know I screamed my lungs off as no amount of teeth clenching helped, and prayed for strength to see me through this. Suddenly, my reverie broke with feeble wails. I forgot the pain and started crying. Relief, gratitude, happiness all washing over me at the same time. The doctor smiled and held up a baby covered in blood and mucus and said “Its a boy.” I cried some more.

The anesthetist informed I could opt for a sedative now and sleep through the rest of the ordeal or see my baby when they clean him and bring him over. I thought, I have been through the worst in full consciousness, then why sleep through the better part. I opted for the latter. They sewed me up and the doctor informed me how there was not a single drop of fluid left in the amniotic sac and it was damned lucky that I  had decided to run down to the hospital. My newborn son supposedly swallowed some of that water and they were pumping it out of him. This was to cause a lot of heartache and tension later, but that’s all history now. They brought me my baby. Even though I felt half dead and was retching, I still managed to give the sleeping angel a tiny kiss. His skin felt like velvet. They carried him away and wheeled me to the ICU for a couple of hours of observation.

I thought the excitement was over and could now sleep for a while. I had no clue what was in store for the rest of the day. My husband popped in to say how much the baby looked like me and what our dear ones around the world had to say. I slept only after midnight after being awake for 24hrs. The next few days was a flurry of activities and a lot of tension what with my baby being born premature and that too having gulped down mouthfuls of the amniotic fluid.

When I think back to that night, I don’t remember the fear, pain or uncertainty. All I remember is the happiness I felt on seeing my son for the first time. It was an experience worth all the pain I endured.

Resolutions are an in thing. Every New Years Eve party I get to hear 100’s of new resolutions being made by acquaintances, friends, and family. When I happen to check back, 90% of the time they would have given up and gone their old ways. Come next 31st night, there would be another 100 more made in a drunken stupor!

A survey found that…

35% of respondents break their New Year’s resolutions by the end of January and only 23% of those surveyed don’t ever break them. Nearly 40% of those surveyed attribute breaking their resolutions to having too many other things to do, while 33% say they are not committed to the resolutions they set.

Phew! Facts and figures never impressed resolution makers. I am no different. I make my share of resolutions, and I don’t even wait for the 31st of December. I break them too, double fast.

I was going over the resolutions I have heard being made and broken within a few days. Me being no exception. Here are a few.

1. Quit Smoking: This is the king of all resolutions that are broken within a max of 3 days. I have seen my father, father-in-law, husband, friends everyone go through the same routine. The resolution comes with a date from which it’s going to be history. The last smoking day is also celebrated with great ceremony. Then comes the hard part. Smoking pangs, restlessness and the hand itching towards just-one-smoke-today. Wham! All’s back to square one. I keep trying.
2. Exercise: Another one. Me being a culprit too this time. My husband has been getting thicker around the midriff and I need to work off the pregnancy fat. We start walking and continue for 3 days. Then comes the rest period and we never hit the road again. Next we started our regular swims. This time it was for almost a fortnight and then the rain gods interfered. My husband got the perfect excuse. He didn’t want us getting hit by the lightning and I too decided to finish all the pending work instead of taking a risk - so, hey! how about tomorrow? Unfortunately, the tomorrow never came. Friends proudly inform us how they have been walking and running and swimming. By the time we meet again it’s all a thing of the past. Let’s see when we start again. Sigh!
3. Eat healthy: I try, but in vain. I try to include the maximum number of fruits and veggies in the diet. A couple of days without meat and I have a complaining husband on hand who supposedly feels meat deprived and gets a craving. Ho! We are back on meaty diets. The salads and yogurt and sprouts become more of an occasional diet than a regular one. I hear the same everywhere I go. Its only my mother-in-law who has kept it somewhat simple at home, though she gives up each time her husband and son step in. I still keep trying.
4. Save money: This must be an art or some people just earn so much that they get tired spending and end up stacking. However much we try we find someway of spending all and more by the 20th of the month. I have heard the same story being repeated with most people. I had a feeling its just us or that people lie to us to make us feel good. Someday we shall have to start thinking of the rainy days.
5. Stick to the budget: Well, I try. But supermarkets and shopping malls get the horned-tailed me in a frenzy. If I think of spending a 1000 bucks I have to go armed with a min of 3k to pay the bill and walk out without being caught for shoplifting. I still have to learn how people manage to stick to there little note of things they need and not buy more, cause I invariably remember a dozen things forgot to include. In this aspect me and my husband give each other competition. And I am glad to say we have equally like minded friends and family.
6. Get organized: I read somewhere that we should keep getting rid of all the excess stuff in the house to avid clutter, cause this clutter tends to get into our minds and create more confusion. Hence, more than once I have sat down to throw away all that I don’t require and alas! I never find anything that I think is worth throwing away. Some day I have to make my priorities and get along with this job. What are my priorities again??
7. Be cool: I have a weird habit. I tend to lose my temper about small things and yet stay calm when the rest of the world panics. I still have no clue why I behave the way I do but so far all my resolutions in this field have died a horrible death. I have seen this in a couple of my friends and my mum too. We regret immediately for what we said or did, but by then its too late. I envy all those people who manage to control their wrath so well.
8. Be nice to people: I am. Whoever I deal with everyday end up saying I am nice but I don’t feel I live up to the compliment. Refer back to point 7 for this. My temper makes me say and do things that I have long tried to control, in vain. I go back and apologize and feel terrible about it. I have noticed this in others too. I have to say I am much better than all those people who do not feel any remorse after saying the meanest things. It doesn’t cost much. May be some day I shall overcome this flaw with practice.
9. Make a difference: I always felt I wasn’t born to just live a normal life and die. I want to make my presence felt. Do something that requires doing. There are some many agendas that I can think of even without trying. I don’t know when I will start. When I hear of people doing little kindness, I start wondering when it will be me. Being bogged down by work and daily pressures is an excuse for the weak and I know that’s one thing I am not.
10. Be happy: Sounds like a cliche. But, its my motto in life. I fail miserably at times and then I bounce back. A war wrecked country, a plague infested town and the people still manage a smile. I am so much better off, knock wood. Why is it such a difficult task? I try my level best and spread the word too. Happy people make me happy.

I have learnt one thing from my failed resolutions. Strengthen your conviction by identifying the ‘why’ behind your resolution. This ‘why’ will give you the bigger picture, the values which give you meaning to life. To make your work easier make your goals realistic, write them down, share it with people, track your progress. Reward yourself when you keep your promise. If you slip up start again.

Recently I joined a few blogging networks hoping to meet fellow bloggers with interesting blogs. The first person I met requested that I should review a few blogs and share my opinion with them.

I was appalled at the quality of the blogs he wanted me to review. I am no great writer myself but I know I can write once in a while. The sites I was supposed to review were nothing short of horrible (that is, if I am still being nice to them). I was in a good mind to ask a couple of them to stop writing such utter nonsense in the name of blogging. Then, there were people who made me want to run back to my junior school grammar class. I kept cribbing as to what to write about all those abysmal posts when I stumbled upon this one particular blog.

The blog title said it all - ‘Designed to crash and destined to fly’. Catchy to the core!

Blog address: http://nowwhoisit.blogspot.com/

The first blog that made me smile in a long while. After a long hard day at college and trying to put my baby to sleep, this one was like a breather of fresh air with those Mentos perks to it - a wonderful departure from those utterly despicable ones which don’t even deserve a comment here.

The author is still in college and from what I understood he is still trying to decide on his career once he moves out of studies. But his writing strikes a chord. He has an honest opinion and he’s is quite the poet.

Keep in mind that I am not much into poetry - so it was his writing skills which got me fascinated. Sarcastic (satiric at times) - yet simple and brief. He speaks from his heart and reminds you of times you may have felt the same way.

The author tried to do his bit by helping teenagers who are depressed and suicidal. His near failure didn’t bog him down. He still continues his good work to pave his way to heaven. God bless him!

His wish-list of Things to do before 30 is almost rib tickling (Sorry pal!). Even his dilemma over the choice of career makes a wonderful read. The article about Beauty Bisected is spoken right from the heart. Touched!

May be you should change the template. Just a suggestion since it was quite a hindrance while reading though the blog.

Its worth every second of your precious time to go through this blog.

I was always a romantic, even before I knew the meaning of the word ‘Romance’. The notion of ‘love-at-first-sight’ was something I wanted to experience the most. Romance novels and movies made the situation inside my head worse than ever.

End result: I fell in love every week. My love at first sight happened only to sizzle away within 3 days. The longest it stayed back at that point of time was may be a week or at the most 10 days. Eventually I gave up and became a skeptic. Just then good old cupid took matters into his able hands. I can’t say I fell in love the moment I set my eyes on him, but it definitely started sometime on that first meeting. But of course, I realized it much later. Years later! Four or five years to be precise. Even then I wonder, does love-at-first-sight exist or am I still being an ass.

Wikipedia describes:

Love at first sight is an emotional condition whereby a person feels romantic attraction for a stranger on the first encounter with the stranger. The term may be used to refer to a mere sexual attraction or crush , but it usually refers to actually falling in love with someone literally the very first time one sees him or her, along with the deep desire to have an intimate relationship with that person. The stranger may or may not be aware that the other person has any such notion, and may not even be aware of the other person’s presence (such as in a crowded place). Sometimes two people experience this phenomenon towards each other at the same time, usually when their eyes meet.

BBC, edition 10th September 2004 claims:

Proof: love at first sight exists

Love at first sight may not be just for old romantics, according to scientists.

People decide what kind of relationship they want within minutes of meeting, a study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships said.

“It’s almost a self-fulfilling prophecy. We make a prediction about what kind of relationship we could have with a person and that helps determine how much effort we are willing to put into developing a relationship.”….

Whether it happened to me or I imagined the whole thing, it’s definitely good news for hopeless romantics. This whole affair has scientific merit to it. May be a few pointers will help here since colour and body language helps all such situations.

1. Wear bright colours if you are out to make strong first impressions. Preferably red, since it’s the most stimulating colour on women. Men on the other hand should wear blue as the colour blue depicts the person as being faithful and reliable.
2. Smile a lot. A smiling face is the most attractive and approachable. Make sure the smile isn’t a fake one which can be easily seen through. Be happy and show your happy face.
3. Wear the right scent. Licorice for men - for some weird reason women are attracted to that particular perfume. Vanilla and cinnamon for women, be it in the form of lotion or perfume. This is an instant attraction / turn-on for men.

These are just ideas which may work in your favour. No one knows when the little guy with the arrow decides to strike. You may be dressed as a pumpkin for the children’s play when the man you have been waiting for all your life sees through all that make-up and promptly falls in love with you. Or it may take you years to realize your crush of yesteryears is the only one you can think of every time the Love word pops up in your mind.