MindChimes

When I saw Aadi, our little baby boy, he was a cute gurgling bundle. He didn’t do much all day. He fed, pooped, peed, gurgled, blinked, fed some more, pooped again and peed endless number of times. We would sit and watch him and wonder “Doesn’t he get bored doing nothing?” We learned to bathe him, feed him, get him to burp and put him to rest on his back. All he did in return was blink.

Slowly, our blinking bundle started exercising his limbs. Very soon he was waving his tiny paws and cycling with his legs. He even started to converse in his baby language that we kept trying to decipher. Peeing and pooping continued the same amount. But he never cried. Not unless he was wet and we delayed or he was hungry and we took our time to fix his feed. We learned early never to keep him waiting when hungry. There he had inherited from both his grandmoms and Mommy. Tempers flared if the feed was late.

He started to hold up his neck and survey his surroundings. He started following Mommy when I was in the room and moving about or talking to him. He smiled his cute toothless baby smile from time to time. He slept on daddy’s tummy and tried to grab Goofy’s paws (our puppy who inspected him in regular intervals). He would wake up early in the morning and just after his feed would start his Gym sessions. It was a treat to just watch him punching and kicking the air, getting rid of all the demons.  He would continue his conversations with the angels and sometimes include Mommy and Daddy in the chats too. All the while he kept trying to pull himself up or turn over.

One day he did manage to turn over but then got stuck. He had yet to learn turning back to his original position. He learnt a lot of protest phrases which sounded like war cries to our unpracticed ears. One such cry sounded like ‘Tuckoooo’  and we decided it was from the hours of Gothic sessions we used to have during my pregnancy. He sounded like the scavenger bird from the game we played for hours on end as we were out of options with my growing tummy.

As soon as he mastered the art of turning around he started his attempts to sit up and crawl. We were at a loss then as we were running out of pillows to keep him from toppling off the bed and couch. Crawling was closely followed by sitting up. Though he had quite a bit of struggle to do both. But the little mite was tenacious and obstinate. He learned the arts and mastered them well without much help. Even though he had to hunch on all four and will himself to move from the swaying motion, he started to crawl pretty fast in no time.

In the mean time he had won Daddy darlings heart all over again what with saying “Babba” as his first word. They were closely followed by “Pappa”, “Dadda” (this was only for Goofy), and finally “Mamma”. Mommy was a wee bit jealous, but too happy about the important words Aadi spoke to bother much. All the while he gained more knowledge and experience in how to be from naughty to naughtier. He gave special importance to this training. His advisors here were “Babba” and “Dadda”.

By the time we were getting ready for our annual trip back home, Aadi could pull himself up and stand while holding o to things. He enjoyed his trip immensely but disappointed the ladies there. He took to both his grand dads like he knew them for ever but when it came to the grannies he refused to indulge. We thought he may be scared with so many people or overwhelmed or may be hiking up his price. Or may be he was just unsure what kind of a garb a saree is and why the women insisted on wearing it (Unlike Mommy).

He had a lot of firsts in this trip. First flight, first train travel, first time meeting Grand Dad (Mommy’s Daddy), first ime visit to both his actual homes, first taste of rice (which they didn’t give much), first taste of fish, first swing ride. There were also innumerable new aunts, uncles, grannies, grandys’, and of course Ginnie Mashi (our dog in Kolkata, India).

Obviously Aadi being the charmer that he is, didn’t keep his grannys sad. He accepted them, saree and all, towards the end of the trip, which made them sadder to let him go. He had an immensely enjoyable time back home.

Back home he settled back in no time and started working on his assignments to get from naughtier to naughtiest. He has learnt to raid Goofy’s food, ask to be fed our food, and make his nanny run around the house to get one spoonful into his mouth. Over the months I have sang ‘Aati kya Khandala’ may be a million times. Now I am so tired of the song that I refuse to sing it but use a recording. But baby sometimes insists I sing along while he eats and I have to indulge. His second favourite ‘Hattima tim tim’ without which he cant seem to fall asleep. No other poem or song will do for him but just that one. I have sang it enough number of times to have my nannies humming along now.He has also learnt to shake his tiny booty if he hears the title song of ‘Friends’ or ‘CSI’. Foot tapping numbers get him excited enough to stand and rhythmically move his little behind to the music. We are hoping he ll be a dancer or musician along with all else. His aunt already believes he ll be a great dancer, while his grand parents have decided some of his future professions too.

Just a week back he has started his wobbly walks. His first few steps were from the couch to the TV stand to get hold of the remote. But, now he indulges Mommy and Daddy if his mood permits and he isn’t too busy. If others call he prefers to crawl instead of wasting his energy. His wobble is getting stronger by the day and I plan to tape it before he breaks out into a normal walk. In the mean time he continues to break vessels, steal food, and use the telephone wire as reins to his invinsible horse.His two rabbit teeth and one other tiny little speck on the lower jaw are growing well too giving him a new weapon… bites.

He never ceases to amaze me. If I could, I would leave all my work and be with him so as not to miss a single second of his activities. Early morning waking up ritual are the best time of my day. Aadi drinks his milk and sits on Mommy’s head to look outside the window, or fishes out Mommy’s mobile to make secret long distance calls, or pokes daddy to wake up, or just sits with Goofy and talks to him while Goofy listens, fascinated, till Aadi decided to tug at his tail and ears.

Life will never be the same for us who know what we have been missing. Now that we have it, its never enough. I wonder why I ever had all those doubts and worries. But, then I had not met the love of our life - Sourjyas and Mine. He is the feeling that we ever felt for each other and was always present as the love in our hearts. Now that he is with us he makes us even stronger, no more as a couple, but, as a family.

God bless ou my little angel and may you find happiness in all that you do, all through your life. Love you forever.

My baby has grown up so fast. It seems like just yesterday when I would sit gazing at the lazy afternoon traffic and wonder what it feels like to be a Mommy. Would I feel any different? What if my baby doesn’t like me? How will I know how to look after my baby? Will it hurt during delivery?…..

There was a lot to look forward to then. Baby, Degree, New home, Job, Visiting India…

It was difficult after a while to move around and lie down. Every position was uncomfortable. Every thought was either confusing or scary. Moods were at their swinging best. Fights had become a regular affair.

And then one day Aadi arrived. Just when we all planned a whole day of shopping and the movies and eating out to make me feel better Aadi decided to come out and be an active participant. He took us by surprise. We all went through a lot of sweating and crying for a couple of days thanks to my baby’s idea of surprise. No, we didn’t make it to shopping and day out program obviously ’cause everyone was at the hospital for the next 7 days.

Aadi felt like velvet when I kissed him for the first time in the OT and again 3 days later when they finally allowed me to hold him. My baby was so tiny and looked like no one I knew. I know his grannies kept claiming that he looked like me but I wondered how they knew, or were they just guessing and hoping it would come true?

I returned home alone, Aadi was still in hospital. For the next few days I visited him everyday at the hospital. On every visit I learned to feed, bathe and care for him. But once home, it was all a dream. Nothing had changed. It was still just us.

And then Aadi decided to come home. The matron handed me the tiny bundle after all the accumulated luggage was loaded in the car. I realized how real it all was.

I learned each movement, each action, each expression so much so that now I can say what he is about to do as soon as he starts looking around. Its been over 10 months now and soon my baby will be an year old. He is already attempting to walk very soon we ll be running after him keeping things out of his reach. Very soon he will be 10 years old and then 20. Yet everytime I see him all I can see is the little towel wrapped bundle blinking up at me for the first time.

My husband and I make a pretty crazy couple. We do the weirdest things to get a kick. Oh don’t get me wrong please. We are not that adventurous to try swinging and stuff. It’s much mellow compared to that.

With a baby and a dog to take care of we have pretty much given up our social lives. Even to catch a movie we have to think a million times and come up with a fool proof plan. I say we are weird because once upon a time we used to be party freaks and yet we seem to have grown out of it all. Won’t say we don’t get the withdrawal symptoms from time to time, but we manage because we are innovative. And we enjoy ourselves too. Or some may call it ’sad’. Yeah we sometimes get those sympathetic looks which say ‘this is why people shouldn’t have babies’.

I did crib about it for a while too, but my husband didn’t. He took it really well. That is what made me get creative again. Can’t say I regret any more.

We are both movie junkies. So our movie marathons have become quite a pastime. We keep watching movies in loads till we pass out. Well its not really just movies but documentaries and ‘Friends’ and ‘CSI’ thrown in a good measure. But movie marathons alone were getting kind of monotonous. So a few weekends back we planned our very own cocktail party. Mixing cocktails at home either by the book or from the top of the head is fun. Needless to say it was a grand gala and we were wasted by the end of it all.

There are those times when we make a whole day outing with baby and all. We usually start off with a couple of errands to run and then we run wild. Our little one is quite an adventurer. He loves to go loafing with us and minds not at all to take a nap in his pram when tired.

The best so far was our latest venture though. I know lots of people turn up their noses at the mention of Sushi. Very few people seem to enjoy it. A common misconception is about it being raw fish but that is Sashimi. Either ways we went for our star attraction ‘Wasabi’. You mix the wasabi with soy sauce and use it as a dip. If you want the real experience do not be miserly. Dip in and let it soak for a second. The kick you get when it touches your taste buds is mind blowing. I feel like a gush of wind swept me off and landed me back with a thud. Till you get that experience you have never really tasted wasabi. A lot like bungee jumping for the first time and getting pushed to a free fall from behind till you feel the tug of the rope to know u are secure but that was one hell of a flight.

A couple of kicks like that along with a few fried dumplings (Gyoza) and Enoki mushroom wrapped in fried bacon (Yum), I was ready for a bowl of the gooiest stickiest chocolate ice-cream. Sheer bliss. A treat of a lifetime. I was ready to go home.

I can’t remember when I turned into such a foodie (Thanks to my dear husband), but for experiences like this I shall never complain. Well on the other hand, no wonder I never tend to lose the extra weight I am carrying even with all that exercise.

The time when I return from work everyday is the ideal time of the day for me. I wait eagerly to get home and have a cup of tea and hug my baby after the whole day. Be with my family and just relax after the whole tiresome day at work. Most days I have a raging headache or am too tired to want to cook anything for dinner. And I would rather be home with the love of my life - my little family, however imperfect.

The drive back home takes me around a short trip around a part of the city. The day just at its brink to dip into inky darkness. Sometimes I see the orange sun bidding farewell to the fresh moon, half the sky already in darkness and the other half holding on to the day that was. People hurrying home, shopping for food at the roadside stalls, trying to hail a cab, catch a bus and amidst them all a couple of youngsters so totally lost in themselves, oblivious to all the emotions and bustle around them.

The young couple in love transported me back to a time long ago when I would have identified with them. So much in love that all else seemed unimportant. I was full of ideals and dreams. My world was chalked in front of me. I had refused to believe the future could be anything apart from what I wanted. I thought that’s the most anyone can love.

Alas things went awry! Life changed. But not for too long. I was born to fight and survive. Resurfacing I again had the same dreams. They seemed very distant and almost impossible. Life went on but the dreams refused to fade away.

They say when you want something badly, the whole universe conspires to let you have it. It must be true ’cause beating all odds I am living the dream that I always dreamed. Thinking back the love back then seems so childish. Love has a new meaning now. It means waking up at 4 in morning everyday to feed my baby, feeding the dog at 7 in the morning even if its Saturday, cooking some difficult Bengali dishes even though all I really want to do is flop on the couch and watch tv. And cribbing and complaining and sometimes crying, knowing all the time I would do nothing different if given another option.

Today was a dream back then, but was there enough love back then to cope with today? I wonder. May be not. May be everything in life was necessary to let me know what a gift I have today. Oh the cribbing and crying is just part and parcel of it. Spices up things from time to time.

Its been ages since I had a vacation. Its been ages since I have pampered myself all day. Its been ages that I have done anything apart from what I am supposed to do. I crib and crib and crib.

I wake up in the wee hours with my son and my dog who insist I should humour them, I crib. I bustle around taking care of all the morning rituals and start the day, I crib. By afternoon I am too tired and want to rest but can’t cause I have papers to write (and study), so I crib some more. By night, I am dog tired having tucked in the demanding brats for the day, Phew!. But my dearest husband wants to sit around for a while, again I crib.

I reminisce about those days when I woke up when I wanted to and slept when I dropped off. When I packed a few things and took off for the weekend, not a care in the world. I dream of all the lovely places that I want to be and all those fun things that I could do. I make and remake plans. And again I crib.

Somewhere deep inside I know I have what I always wanted. Its only a matter of time before things settle down and I can take my dream vacation or spend the day I want to. But what the heck! Whats wrong with cribbing a little if that gets you a pat in the head and a little cooing sympathy.

Among all that I want to do if I get some time on had, here are a few I jotted down to share:

1. First and foremost I would like to sleep for a week. Ah OK. I’ll be realistic. I would like to wake up at 6 and dive back inside the cover content that someone is there to take care of the baby and the dog. Someone will feed them and humour them. I want to be woken up with a hot morning cuppa and breakfast in bed. I want to go back to sleep for a couple of hours after a sumptuous lunch. Heaven!
2. I would love a nice massage complete with pedicure, manicure and all the extra stuffing that come with it. I just want to lie back, close my eyes, smell the aromatic oil and incense, listen to the soft instrumental, and feel all my tension and stress ebbing. Long enough so that by the end of it I feel like a new person ready to take on another couple of years of stress and hard work. Not the way it usually is with the baby wailing and maid screaming and me running helter skelter all over the house with soapy feet and mud pack on my face.
3. I have been meaning to re-watch all those old movies and episodes of friends. Its been so long since I have had a good laugh. But I haven’t progressed much from ‘meaning to’. I would love to sit down with a pile of dvds’ and watch them one after the other all day till I can watch no more. There obviously has to be an array of mouthwatering snacks and endless supply of pepsi/beer, so I wouldn’t have to go around worrying about lunch and dinner.
4. On the contrary, I would also like some peace of mind so I can read a little. There are lots of books waiting to be read. I just don’t get them home because I know I don’t have the time to read. I would love to lie down with a book like old times and read through the day and night till the last page and then sleep. Once awake I ll pick up another book to go on the same way. I so miss those days when when mum cooked all the food and made sure I was not going hungry and dehydrated.
5. Sometimes I want to go shopping and keep buying mindlessly. The last time I did this was when I was living by myself and had the whole salary to blow away, knowing I had nothing constructive to do with it. Someday I would love to do it again. Walking through the malls or the street bazaars, buying everything that holds my fancy. I don’t want the inner me asking me ‘do you really want it?’ Or ‘not another pair of shoes?’. Come on!
6. One of these days when I really have time on my hands I want to lie down on the couch with my feet up the backrest, and call my friends to have one of those long forgotten gossip sessions. Ones that make u feel like you know about half the world now and makes you smile while you go about the rest of the day. But most of the people I enjoy this session with are not available over the phone, and its not my idea of fun to sit on that hard chair and type away on the keyboard, to get hold of them all. And then spend the whole time shifting around to give some comfort to my back side.
7. Someday I would like to have enough time in my hand to go through the numerous items tucked away around the house that we last used at the age of Adam. We wear less than half the clothes that we possess. But when it comes to chucking, we lovingly put them all back in with a ‘I can still wear that one when I lose weight.’ Well, you said that last year and you have grown bigger not lost weight. And what about all those bottles and jars tucked away in the refrigerator. I look at them and wonder what they were, I put them back again when I fail to give myself an answer. I want to get rid of all of them.
8. Its been so long since I got totally drenched in the rain, just for fun. I would love to do that soon. And, not just get wet, but go swimming in the rain. I used to love to as a kid. These days rain has become a reason to skip swimming. Have to get wet anyway, then why blame the rain?
9. A lovely cloudy-breezy day. The kind that makes u want to fly. I want to hop into a car and go driving. A long drive, away from all the humdrum. Stop on the way at a road side cafe to catch a bite, sitting out in the open. And then drive along to a beach to laze around the rest of the day. Run back to the car when its just about to start pouring. And drive back home in the lashing rain amidst thunder and lightning.
10. And to top the list, when was the last romantic dinner for two? Ummm…Uhhh…lets see… don’t think it was this life. Well dear partner, how about the most romantic setting on top of the tallest building or next to the quiet evening sea? Complete with good food, our favourite wine and dessert? Sounds nice. Close your eyes and you can almost feel the excitement. May be in the near future if I am lucky enough. Or nothing wrong to dream on.