MindChimes

We were drinking our evening cup of steaming tea. The camcorder kept changing hands between us as we checked how far into the evening we could see through its powerful lens. We checked the road, the traffic and the beautiful sunset. We kept suggesting to each other what else we could try and watch.

I turned my attention to the duplex apartment that we always found fascinating. We kept watching it from the bedroom window everyday, wondering who stayed there and how they lived. Its a lovely apartment.

The lights were on. That made me happy since I could now snoop at the contents of the place. Suddenly, a female figure appeared dressed in a white toweling robe, her hair disheveled. She seemed to be shouting at someone who was out of my range. Something happened and she cowered. I knew it was wrong of me to be watching, but I was unable to put the camera down. I pushed the record button instead.

Two men appeared in my field of vision now. They were dressed in black overcoats, which was funny because it was an exceptionally humid evening. The first man was holding something pointed at the lady who was now half-lying on the couch. Something happened. The lady cowered again and the lamp on the side table shattered. The second man took something out of his pocket and rushed to the lady. Nothing happened for a few moments. The moment passed. The second man moved away from the lady and she slipped to the floor and lay there.

The whole episode hit me hard. By the time I realized what I may have witnessed, both the men were standing at the French window looking straight at me. I stopped breathing when I saw they were pointing towards our window. I must have turned a shade of white because my husband noticed something was wrong even before I had said anything. I passed the camcorder to him and he played the whole recording. By then the men had vanished.

We were at a loss. We were fairly certain the men would be at our door steps in a few minutes. We thought of locking up and rushing to the police. Then we wondered how much they would understand us with our broken Thai. Our second option was going over to the embassy. While we were still musing…

… we had finished our cup of tea and toast. We decided to stop our fantasy right there, put the camcorder back in its case and get on with our evening chores.

Before you start wondering - we cooked up the murder while watching the empty duplex and the parking lot. But what would we do had it been real??

People have started locking up their profiles these days. They want to save themselves from the wolves who snoop on other peoples lives. Duplicate profiles and unwanted publicity is a reality in cyber-life.

How long can you save yourself by just locking yourself away from the world? Who are you scared of - strangers or yourself? Why be part of a social networking site if you cannot trust anybody? Are you sure that all the people you have added as friends won’t turn against you one fine day and do all that you are scared of? What will you do then? Who will you blame?

Ages ago when humans could not understand the works of nature and couldn’t save themselves from natural calamities they turned these calamities into God. They worshiped the Sun, the Moon and the Rain. They offered riches to the Wind, the Thunder and the Sea. Did all that really help? Even at this age we suffer from tsunamis, cyclones and earthquakes.

If a calamity has to happen it will happen. They wont forewarn us about a place or time. They won’t think if they are about to hit the richest or the people who die everyday due to poverty. Such is the character of nature.

People are one of the masterpieces of nature. Do you think that a lock on your profile will hold back people who have set their minds from breaking in? May be tomorrow one of your many friends will want to settle a score and strike against you. How long will you live so scared? And if thats how you want to live then why be present in this unsure world of cyber-crimes? Your stalker will have no face, no history, only his vengeance. Who will you fight? Wouldn’t you be better off behind the safe cocoon of barred doors, away from this contraption called computer?

Lets suppose the worst. A close friend with all your information decides to trade you off. What happens to you next? You will be shocked. You will be sad.You may even be sorry that you were betrayed by a so called friend. But will all this really affect you? Will it really change the person you are? Will it make people who really matter care what some unethical backstabber or some stranger has to say about the person they have known and loved for so long? I don’t believe so. Whoever has a change of heart with such incidents are better off away from you.

Then why all this secrecy? Why shun all the people who you could get to know? There is so much to know in this world and so many people you could meet. Locked doors don’t just discourage people they turn away opportunities too. And in a social networking site, I would say locking up is sheer stupidity.

I was never too fond of kids. I enjoyed watching the activities of cute kids or would cuddle and play with one given an opportunity, but I never craved kids. You know how there are some people who just have to drool and swoon as soon as they see a baby - any baby (even if they are really not soooo cute). Well, I never understood the psychology behind it. Or, may be I was more steel-hearted than I cared to give myself credit for. Instead I preferred little pups and kitties.

Whatever the reason, or the psychological problem behind my behavior, I was a little apprehensive on finding myself pregnant. I was worried at times if I would find my own kid cute. But that was momentary. Not because all my doubts were cleared by this sudden mommy-feeling that most pregnant women claim to feel (I didn’t feel very mommy-ish for quite a while). I got very busy with studies and lots of other things that I wouldn’t care to mention right now.

From time to time I would get bouts of mood-swings and act crazy for a while till I hit my head somewhere and returned to my senses. These reactions scared me too, since I wasn’t sure if I could hold my temper with a baby whose main motto in life would be to irritate me.

I found my answers without trying too hard. I was pretty much left alone with my newborn son, since we live in a land far away from home and cannot expect the parents to keeping popping by as soon as I am ready to give up. So, eventually I learned the ropes. Discovered new tricks. Trained my husband too, since two heads are better than one.

First time I held him in my arms at the hospital, I was scared I might break something or hurt him somehow. When we stepped into our home with him for the first time, he just kept crying and refused to do anything else. I was convinced I was the worst mom!

But Day Two saw my little one cuddling up to me and accepting his food. He decided to trust his little self with the one he instinctively knew to be Mommy. The doctor said he knows me. The nurse said I should talk to him since he knows my voice. I decided to follow advice this time.

Little by little things fell into place. Tiny learned new tricks too while Mommy was busy learning the ropes. But Mommy was smarter than he thought. So he found a new victim in Daddy. He yelled and screamed and nagged if left alone with my husband and got his way. He wanted to be taken for rides around the house. He wanted to be played with all the time that Mommy wasn’t to be seen. And, he wanted all the attention possible because Daddy obviously doesn’t know that little will be quiet if handed ‘Pooh’ or the multi-colored rings.

Today it feels like I have been handling my baby all my life. And no I am never angry with him and never throw a tantrum with him around. I think he is the cutest kid on earth. Funnily these days even I have started finding most kids (not all) cute too. I can’t think of a life without my son.

Not that I know it all. Baby does keep Mommy on her toes. Like this time when I tried to put him to sleep for two hours one afternoon and he took me for a ride (check slideshow). By the end of it, I was fast asleep from my own lullabies and my bundle-of-joy was still rolling around in the bed, coo-ing to himself and chewing on everything that was deemed chewable. When I woke up with a start in about half an hour, I found him deep asleep on one corner of the bed, sleeping like a turtle cuddled up against ‘Pooh’. Just watching him like this makes the days of doubt seem so far away.

Happiness is a state of mind. Only you can decide whether or not to be happy. I feel everyone wants to be happy but just don’t know how. It’s not so difficult if you put in a little bit of effort.

I am not writing this because I have achieved the near impossible and learned to be happy all the time. That would seem more than a little weird to me. Earlier I used to have spells of depression which wouldn’t leave me alone for days - till one day I decided to take control of my life and stop feeling so sad and sorry for myself. I still have my moments but I have learnt how to break the evil spell too. There’s nothing more degrading than to wallow in self pity hoping someone would notice.

Here are a few ways I try to feel better.

1. You are no one’s judge: “When you point at someone, the rest of the three fingers point at you.” Stop judging right now. Be it self-judgment, or judging others.

   For yourself: If your circumstance seems too difficult, try to resist less. Give yourself time and space to accept what is. Whatever you achieve, someone else will always do better. However bad you are, others are worse. Change along with the situation. There’s no better way to adjust. Treat yourself well. Give up feeling guilty as it changes nothing in your life. Try to put things right and if that’s not possible accept you screwed up and don’t repeat it again. Let it go! Stop trying to be perfect. You don’t have to impress anyone.

   For others: Judging others is foolish since you cannot know all the facts, cannot create a reliable or objective scale. You have a limited and extremely partial view of the other person. You really don’t know what led them to behave the way they did. There is always the other side of the story and you are no one to decide who is speaking the truth. Who cares about your opinion anyway? Instead just hear them out if they need a friend. Or avoid any circumstance where you are forced to judge them. Being rude or gossiping will only harm the person and shake their confidence in humanity at large. At some point, your actions will make you feel smaller than a little insect. Empathy costs nothing but makes you feel good when you lie back at the end of the day and take a count. No one can be perfect.

2. Dwell in the present: Why waste time regretting about the past or worrying about the future when neither is within your reach? Worry is an energy vampire. There is nothing you can do to undo the past while the thoughts eat into you. On the other hand what happens in the future cannot be controlled either. So no use wasting precious time and energy there.

   Be content with the present. Believe ‘everything happens for a reason’ and it cannot be too bad for too long. Happiness will find its way into your heart.

   I have noticed people getting more miserable comparing themselves with others. Petty feeling like jealousy, enmity, revenge and hatred overpowers the good side in you. Don’t dwell in those feelings. They end up leaving a bad taste in your mouth which refuses to leave. Acceptance is a great feeling and better still would be if you can manage to not get bogged down by anything. The energy vampires will be forced to leave you alone.

3. Don’t forget to say “Thank You”: Always be grateful for all that you have. Not just to God but to all the people who make life comfortable for you. While you pray to God don’t forget to thank your maid or lift-man for their service. It’s very motivating when you see all those people who own less than half of what you possess and yet manage to laugh and love more than you ever manage to do. When we concentrate on the good in our life it tends to increase. Being thankful of the little things in life makes happiness multiply exponentially.

   Be grateful for what you are. Take time out for yourself. It’s a blessing in itself and you need to keep yourself beautiful just as a token of the gratitude. Pamper yourself once in a while. Take the massage you wanted to. Put your feet up and watch the sun go down sipping on your favourite cocktail. Meditate. Spend twenty minutes every day just with yourself allowing your mind to go blank and fill in with the silence and calm. It will reboot your system just like your computer. Think positive. Monitor our thoughts to delete all negative ones and run only positive ones. It will be a refreshing treat to you.

4. Don’t care what others think of you: Be self authorized. Don’t make your decisions based on what others think you should do. Think for yourself. Analyze the situation for yourself.

   Stop concerning yourself with what the rest of the world thinks about you. People shouldn’t be able to control your emotions. Even though we bother ourselves with what others think and feel the truth is most people are too busy with their own lives to be concerned about you. Your sadness or happiness affect only those who are your closest family, and that too is limited to the time they can spare for you. The rest don’t matter. Keep them restricted to the outer circles. The more people you include the more complicated your problems will seem with their criticism and opinions. Lessen complications and life will seem simpler.

   Remember to be true to yourself. Speak the truth to yourself. Be responsible for all your actions. Sometimes the world won’t understand your decisions and gossip or try to help. Stick to your own decisions which you know to be true. Everything will fall into place eventually.

5. Reassess your priorities: Expand your options. Allow more possibilities for today and tomorrow. Don’t limit yourself just because things went badly wrong sometime in the past. Think of all the times things went better that what you had hoped. Drop the word impossible from your dictionary. The word impossible itself spells “I’m possible”. Every morning while you wash your face look at your eyes in the mirror and repeat ‘I can’ and watch your confidence build every day.

   Build castles in the air. Then you would just need to build the framework to make our dream a reality. Shoot for the stars and you will be glad when you land on ‘Cloud Nine’. Keep a checklist on your dreams and desires. That will help you to work towards them.

   To keep going fuel your emotional needs. Spend time with your family. Take your grandmother to the temple. Play with your baby. Take the dog for his evening walk. Make an effort to connect with people.

6. Do what you desire: Do things that make you happy. Sometimes people do things to make others happy and end up miserable. They don’t do justice to themselves nor the people who love them. Do what you want to do and not what you have to do. Life is too short to waste in little displeasures like these. It may be an unsatisfying job or a relationship gone sour or it may be something really miniscule. You have to decide what to hold on to and what to get rid of. Streamline your life and your confidence will soar. Don’t waste your energy pushing away all that you don’t want. Take one step at a time and build the life of your dreams.

7. Decide to be happy: If you stay happy against your current circumstances nothing can erase happiness from your life. Your effort will take control. When you are happy you will attract like- minded positive people to share your life and change the way others look at life.

   Know that words are powerful. Keep conflict to the minimum and understanding to the maximum between all those who matter to you. Keep no place for misunderstanding due to lack of communication. Monitor your words as they may have a negative effect on people even without your knowing. Don’t promise something undeliverable. Not keeping your promise would be reason enough for even the closest to lose faith in you.

8. Choose a fulfilling career: Love your work. Choose a profession that would give you satisfaction. Give your 100% to it. This will not only be your source of sustenance but also provide food for your table. Let it be exciting, challenging and full of life than something lackluster just to pay the bills. It’s never too late to switch to a career of your choice today with the number of options available.

   Don’t be too concerned if everything doesn’t work like clockwork and strictly to your plans. The world changes constantly. Planning is only a discipline to make people think carefully. Once you start keep your eyes strictly on reality. Eventually things will turn for the better.

   Don’t let work stress bring you down. Take a break. Go for a vacation. Spend time with family and regain all the lost energy. Make it a break strictly off work so that you yearn to get back to work with fresh ideas and new zeal.

9. Choose how you feel: Don’t let anything or anyone make you feel a certain way. People react to different situations in different ways; hence they choose how they feel. You always have a leeway when it comes to deciding your emotions.

   Stop making a big deal of how you feel. It will soon pass. When you cannot control your emotions from arising it makes no sense to be proud or ashamed of them. It’s your actions that are in your control. That is what you should be responsible for.

   Believe in your destiny. You didn’t stumble upon it by chance. There’s a purpose behind everything. You are exactly where you are supposed to be and it is in your power to change it as soon as you decide to work on it. Listen to your intuition and it will open doors to a path of opportunities and success.

10. Be happy: Do all the things that have the power to make you smile and laugh. Spend all your free time doing all that you want to do. Play with your pets. Cuddle your baby. Chat with your parents. Relax with your husband or partner. Watch all the movies you wanted to watch – make it a movie day. Play loud music so that you can’t hear our thoughts. Help someone with their bank work. Cook to our hearts content and feel your family’s satisfaction at the dinner table. Eat all that you want to eat once in a while without checking its calorie contents. Catch up with friends. Do some shopping for fun. Throw a party. Relax with a book on a rainy day with a cup of steaming cocoa. Smile at yourself at the mirror and revel that even after all these decades you feel sixteen at heart. Be happy!

Shifting home can be a pain, be it two blocks away or to another part of the world. But again, its a necessity for us unlucky ones. We flit from place to place and tugging along our worldly belongings.

I have shifted base so many times within these three decades of my existence that I am a pro at packing now. But, there’s always the starting trouble. Its like a ‘writers block’ when they have the material but don’t know where to start. I have the packing boxes and the cases but never know where to start, while the clock keeps ticking away. Then with a jolt I wake up and start packing with renewed vigor.

The most sensible decision is to limit your worldly possessions. Be it the clothes, utensils or furniture. Always stick to furnished places and replace old clothes with new instead of burying the old ones under the new. The gist - don’t spend your hard-earned greens on things which you may have to leave behind while shifting an year later. Or will cause you to shell out a fat bundle just to get them transported to your new abode.

That was advice for the smart few. For the ones who have been stupid enough to stock up against your better judgment, over the years I learnt a few important lessons in the packing-shifting field that just may come in handy while shifting base.

1. Start packing as soon as all the legalities are completed. Don’t wait till the last weekend. Instead pack a little everyday.
2. Start by pulling out all the cases and rucksacks that you stuffed away over the years hoping never to use them again, except for that occasional outing/vacation. Packing boxes are a good option for such occasions and they are easily available for a few bucks or sometimes even for free at the local supermarket.
3. Keep the following things handy while packing:
   Plastic bags, labels (for easy identification), bubble-wraps and tissues (for the delicate), clean news print (for cushioning), packing tape or gummed tape, aluminum foil, cling wrap, scissors, box knife, plastic ties, rubber-bands, note pad and pencil.
4. Pack one room at a time and that too one area of the room in one box. Its best not to pack things from different rooms in one box as it will be difficult to find when in a hurry or while unpacking. Keep notes on what you pack and label them appropriately before storing them away.
5. Start by packing away things that you wont need for the next busy fortnight. Pack away all the DVDs / CDs, books and magazines. Avoid packing too many books in one carton as books can be incredibly heavy. Pack them alternatively pages - spine - pages - spine, to give them proper support and avoid damaging them.
6. Kitchen and bathroom should ideally be the last places to pack unless there are utensils and toiletries that have spares and can be packed away.
7. Never exceed the gross weight of the boxes. Use appropriate cushioning inside the boxes depending on the kind of items being packed. Towels, old clothes and news prints can be used as good cushioning. Paper should be used as cushioning for light stuff only as they tend to flatten when used against heavier items. Use cloth and towels for the heavier ones.
8. Use bubble wrap and tissues for fragile items and glassware. Wrap each of these items separately.
9. Put the china in a separate box from light weight glass items. The plates should be arranged so that they range from the bigger to the smaller with cushioning in between and the edges. Don’t pile too many together so they don’t break due to their own weight.
10. The closure of the boxes are as important as cushioning. Make sure that the top as well as the bottom is taped securely with a strong tape. Do not over-stuff boxes. Label all boxes according to where they belong. You will appreciate this while unpacking.
11. Mark and label fragile boxes with care. Do the labeling in bold so that those boxes are not dropped or kicked around. Also mark which side should stay up.
12. Mirrors, glass/marble tops for tables and glass shelves should be packed one in each case. They should first be wrapped in bubble wrap or soft towels and then secured with packing tape to strengthen them. Cups, tumblers and bowls too should be wrapped each item separately and then packed together in groups.
13. Shoes should go into shoe boxes or shoe bags and then packed into packing boxes.
14. Foldable clothes can go into bags and carton boxes. Use big suitcases for hanging clothes so as not to crumple and crease them. Small appliances can be wrapped and stored in the clothes cases using the clothes as cushioning.
15. Cushions, pillows and mattresses should be wrapped either with cling wrap or mattress bags to avoid soiling.
16. Do not pack perishable food items for long journeys. For shorter journeys make sure you store them in the refrigerator as soon as they reach the destination. Place the freezer / refrigerator near any convenient plug point temporarily.
17. Wrap the head of the mops and brooms with plastic packets and store in the cleaned and dried mopping buckets.
18. Clean and dry all big appliances before transporting them. All pipes and wires should either be packed away or taped to the appliances. Proper cushioning should be provided where required.
19. Potted flowers and plants should be transported carefully at the back of the vans to avoid tipping and crushing. These will survive short distances but very difficult for long distances.
20. It is better to have a lot of boxes that you can lift instead of a few boxes which give u backache.
21. There are some items that would have to travel with you and not the van like jewelery, piggy banks, stamp - coin collections, important documents, family photographs and any other item that may require personal care.
22. When all the packing is completed you will still find a number of daily items lying around. Use plastic packets to collect them and pack them all together in a carton. They can be marked as miscellaneous.
23. Someone reliable and responsible should be in charge of the transporting. Make sure every item is handled carefully and stacked in the correct manner.
24. Unload boxes according to labels in their allotted rooms. Kitchen stuff shouldn’t go into the bedroom. Leave enough floor space to allow unrestricted movement.
25. Unpack breakables over the box you’re taking them out of, that way, if you happen to drop an item, it will land on some packing material, thereby reducing its chance of breakage.

These are about all I can think of at the moment to make the packing - shifting - unpacking ritual less painful. But again, you can never be too careful.