MindChimes

How do you continue to work in a place if you lose the will to work?

I don’t know if it happens to people often or if this is a common feeling. To me this is an alien feeling because I love to work.

I have worked in various places before. I have worked as hard as possible and tried to achieve all targets. I have been creative, loyal and over achieving wherever I have worked. I looked forward to going to work. I enjoyed all the targets. Deadlines and late stays were fun because I looked forward to the result. I was self motivated. Monday morning blues were feelings others had and I didn’t know how it felt.

That’s exactly how I was till I reached this place. I loved the job description. I started new ideas, worked on new assignments, took new responsibilities. In a few short months I realized wherever I succeeded was soon becoming someone else’s glory.  My seniors who were really not even raising a finger while I did all the work were quick to promote my work as their success.

To make matters work, they even expected that I would keep them updated minute by minute so they could report to the top officials what their progress is. Over and over this kept happening as they kept expecting more and more from me. I lost all motivation.

I always knew I was a control freak and the thought of handing the controls to someone else was unheard of.  Yet now, I report to someone who wants to do all the work and wants me to assist. Surprisingly I don’t mind. I have been more than eager to forward all the files I have worked on in the past. I ask what is required and work accordingly. I don’t take any extra responsibilities because I don’t find any happiness in giving others a sense of false achievement.I learned, handing over controls is much easier when it is for something you hate doing.

I only enjoy the part where I am teaching now. Students, books, studies, presentation is my refuge. That helps me survive. I can’t quit now as I need this job for another year or so. I am biding my time till I am free to move on.

Filed under: The Critic on November 23rd, 2009 | No Comments »

Many lifetimes ago, I must have been a wanderer or a gypsy. The thought of staying in one place never seems to appeal to me. It’s my fight with me. A part of me is so tired of moving from place to place and starting all over again. Another me, finds the whole prospect so very adventurous.  I remember the last time I shifted apartment…

Filed under: The Journey on November 23rd, 2009 | No Comments »

I invited my team to dinner on a Saturday night a few weeks ago. The occasion was a farewell party for one of my junior team member. As I was thinking of a little party, I invited a couple of others too. One of my guests was a Chinese girl who works in my department and looks after the Chinese collaborations and market. She found…

Filed under: Wisecracks on October 11th, 2009 | No Comments »

I look at someone’s album or listen to a song and lo! I am transported back in time. Back into some of the most treasured memories. Ones that I didn’t even know I remembered. Remembering makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. Sometimes I find myself in tears sitting at my workstation, or can’t seem to stop crying in the supermarket,…

Filed under: Race against Time on September 3rd, 2009 | No Comments »

I usually do not have time to breathe between home and work, and I complain relentlessly. I am sure by now everyone I know has heard how busy I am and some are scared that they will have to hear it all over again. Sometimes I don’t care what people think about my skills at self pity nor do I care whether they want to…

Filed under: The Journey on September 3rd, 2009 | No Comments »